


Amae Lavellan

by Annien



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: The Masked Empire
Genre: Angst, Dreams and Nightmares, Eventual Romance, F/F, Flirting, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Power Play, Romance, Slow Build, The Grand Game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-01-07 00:16:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18399257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annien/pseuds/Annien
Summary: After the conclave explosion, Lavellan took the role of the Herald in order to protect the people she cares about, but who will protect her? A certain redhead bard becomes aware of the elf’s struggles which drives her to ensure that someone is looking after Lavellan, and soon enough they become closer than they would expect.Teen and Up Audiences for now, but the rating might go up to Mature later on. Update: language warnings for chapter 3 so I changed the rating to M.*Title is inspired by the “Protect Clan Lavellan” series of wartable quests;amae = protect





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Dear reader,
> 
> It’s been a while since I’ve written anything and that was because I couldn’t pick up a pen and string a few sentences together. Actually, I could not even write down one word. For some reason I had this feeling inside… this anxiety I guess, which stopped me from starting something, anything.  
>    
> I wouldn’t be here though if that was still the case. Recently someone reminded me why I started writing in the first place, and especially why I decided to share my stories. I forgot what stories do to me, the way reading them makes me feel, and I also forgot that at times I made someone happy or I made someone _feel something_ by reading what I wrote. I forgot that I don’t only write for myself, which inspired me to pick up the pen and bring my ideas into existence with the help of the wonderful DA setting and characters.  
>    
> I don’t know how long this will last, sometimes is so easy to write, but sometimes that same feeling creeps back in and I become frustrated. I really do hope I will be able to finish this story and maybe even the other works that I started a while back. Only time will tell, I guess… In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this rusty piece of work.
> 
>    
> Annien

Chapter I – New Beginnings

 

 

Ve'lain Lavellan, First to the Keeper, was brought up from a young age - ever since she discovered she had magical abilities - to believe in the duty she had to her clan and in the path that she would have to take. She trained her entire life for the moment when she would become the Keeper of her clan and would have to lead them. After all, she was born with that duty.

Before that could happen, she was thrown in the middle of the events from the Divine's conclave and received the Fade mark, the only thing that could close the rifts and the Breach that threatened to tear the world asunder. As a follower of Mythal, Ve'lain knew that it was her obligation to remain with the Inquisition and work on closing the Breach, thus protecting not only her clan, but thousand of innocent lives.

Even though her whole life changed when she was thrown into this foreign land and culture, her sense of duty did not. Some people in the Inquisition and other Andrastians who saw her efforts believed that she was the Herald of Andraste, sent by the Maker's bride to save the world. But she was Dalish, raised to believe in the elven Pantheon, thing that went against the Andrastian belief, thus for every person who believed that she was who Andraste chose to send in a time of need, there was another who deemed her a heretic. That matter came up quite a few times, and Lavellan vividly remembers one of them.

 

***

 

A few days after the Inquisition was formed, Lavellan found herself walking through the courtyard in front of the Chantry in Haven, studying the people and their customs in order to better familiarise herself with her strange new life.

As she was walking with no particular direction in mind, she heard someone recite verses from what she now came to identify as the Chant of Light. The first few times that she heard the Chant being sung in the Chantry, she was intrigued by what it all meant and by how the faithful used it to both pray and show their devotion to the Maker. Listening to different portions on various occasions, she came to the conclusion that it was not that different from the stories and teachings the Dalish have on their gods.

After that Ve'lain more or less lost interest, until she heard whispers in a honeyed voice coming from inside Leliana's tent. Something about that moment seemed different from all the other times she heard the faithful address the Maker, and she was drawn in. Her feet took her to the entrance of the tent and even as she did, she knew that it was a very intimate experience, but despite her better judgement Lavellan found herself eavesdropping in on the former Left Hand of the Divine.

Even if that was the first time she heard Leliana pray, it was clear to Ve'lain that the spymaster would often fall into prayer in times of need or when there was no hope in sight, and that by fervently reciting the words of the Chant she would establish an almost palpable connection between her belief and the Maker. This time though, Leliana's desperate need of answers was both visible on her face and heard in her voice.

Leliana's faith was shaken to the core seeing the Maker's inaction through all the chaos. And she was angry... She was angry about the destruction of the temple and the innocent people caught in it. She was angry that He took yet another person away from her, just like He did ten years before. She was angry that the people who served the Maker always had to pay with their blood so that His will was carried, that no matter how much the most faithful sacrificed, even if they gave everything, it was never enough as the Maker demanded not only their lives, but also their deaths. And the most soul crushing part, as Ve'lain came to notice, was that through all that the Makers was silent. After taking away the best of His servants and plunging the entire world into chaos despite all the efforts to bring peace to Thedas, the Maker refused to speak even through the Herald.

Leliana found herself at a point where the pillars of her faith were shattered and everything she had done from the moment Dorothea saved her from that cell meant nothing. But despite the tragedy of it and the broken soul in front of her, Lavellan could not help but see Leliana's strength and beauty hidden under everything. Even in a moment of weakness, the redhead's fire was alight inside her and it was the thing kicking and screaming for answers.

As a response to that, Ve'lain felt a spark ignite inside of her and she knew that no matter what would come next, no matter what would happen to the Breach or to her, she will help Leliana find a new purpose and move forward. It was a strange feeling because she did not know if she could do that, but something deep inside of her told her that she would do everything in her power to help Leliana put all the shattered pieces of herself back together.

 

 

***

 

Ve'lain Lavellan was born and grew up amidst the Dalish elves, wandering the wilderness in the northern Free Marches. As her clan's First, she studied history, elven lore, magic, and was involved in the problems of her clan. It was not always an easy task, but she loved being surrounded by her people and helping them. She knew every single member, listened to their stories, hopes and dreams, and guided and encouraged them to find their own path.

Being there for people, getting to know them and engaging in deep conversations was all in her nature, that is who she was.  So it was no surprise that once part of the Inquisition she took the time to get to know almost everyone in Haven, from the innkeeper to the quartermaster, to the young elven girl that she met after the first attempt to close the Breach, to the inner circle of the Inquisition.

In the field she was keeping Cassandra company and learning about the Chantry, the Templar and the Seeker orders, anything to familiarise herself with the situation they were in. When back in Haven though she was always drawn to the spymaster whenever the chance arose. She learned a little about the Grand Game in Orlais, about what being a bard or Left Hand to the Divine means, and anything that Leliana was willing to share in the short time they had to speak.

At first, Ve'lain dismissed it as tools to help her in recruiting agents for the Inquisition or preparation for the talks with the Grand Clerics, but at a certain level she also knew that it was more than that. Because of that she was not surprised when she found herself leaning against one of the posts in the spymaster's tent, listening to her receive a report about one of her agents that went rogue.

Observing Leliana from the side, Ve'lain could see that the redhead had conflicting feelings about what to do next. It was not something that was obvious to most people, but the slightly tense posture, the small frown pulling at her brow, the sadness masked by the anger in her voice and the unperceivable sigh before ordering her agent to kill Butler told Lavellan that deep down Leliana would have wished to have a different way of solving things.

The mage would have said something regardless of how Leliana felt about her decision but seeing all that gave Lavellan the means to challenge the spymaster's course of action.

"I don't think you want to do that," were the words that drew the spymaster's attention to the Herald.

Leliana turned towards the elf and redirected her anger at the person who had the courage of telling her what she should or should not do in her job. "He murdered one of my agents! I do what I have to in order to protect the others. You find fault with my decision?"

"I just don't think that killing him is the solution." Lavellan stood firm in front of the tempest that was Leliana.

"And what do you suggest I do? I cannot just let him go, he could come after my other agents. I condemn one man to save a dozen. It's not pretty or easy, but it's what needs to be done. I cannot afford the luxury of ideals at a time like this."

Even as she spoke, Ve'lain saw that something inside the bard was saying the exact opposite. That part was buried under years of high stakes and difficult decisions the spymaster had to make. Showing even the smallest amount of weakness was like blood in the water, and there were a great deal of sharks just waiting for the first opportunity to sink their teeth in.

To some extent, Ve'lain understood that. Growing up with the responsibility of her clan on her shoulders and being thrown into a few situations where the humans she decided to trade with wanted only to trick or take advantage of them, she knew how safe Leliana's course of action felt. She could allow the spymaster to eliminate her former agent and with him any chance of more of her people ending up like Farrier, or she could convince the bard to spare him and take that risk, but end up saving a life, or at least not have more blood on her hands, in the process.

Knowing that she did not have to argue with Leliana in order to convince her, the mage looked straight into those beautiful blue eyes and simply said, "Now is precisely the time for ideals."

And she was right, it took just a tiny seed for the redhead to reconsider her decision. She took a moment to sort out her own feelings about the morality of the situation and to listen to that voice inside her head that got quieter and quieter over the years. She turned away from Lavellan and walked towards her table, fully knowing in her heart that the elf was right. With a sigh she then turned towards her agent and ordered him to apprehend Butler alive.

Silence filled the tent after the agent took his leave and only the two of them remained. Inside her own head, Leliana was analysing everything that happened, focusing on the part the elf played. Up until that point Ve'lain was just the Herald, the one with the Fade mark and the ability to close the Breach. Before that moment Leliana did not think of her as an actual person with a moral compass, feelings, thoughts and maybe even a kind heart - she did not have the time or chance. With Justinia's death and all the dark, tense and difficult moments of the past year, the redhead forgot that there was more to life than death, destruction, chaos and never-ending machinations.

Despite the situation they were in, or maybe because of it, to have a person challenge her, the spymaster of the Inquisition, so openly and unabashed made Leliana look at Ve'lain in a completely different light. Realising that the elf was still there, she turned and asked the most obvious question.

"What made you question my decision, lady Herald? I'm not saying that it was a bad thing," the bard hurried to add, "it's just that most people wouldn't have dared to even attempt that."

By that point Leliana adopted a more relaxed and comfortable position, leaning almost casually against the table. Ve'lain followed her example and pressed back against the tent post with her shoulder.

"First of all, please call me Ve'lain. Second of all, I did what was right, and I would like to think that anyone in my position would've done the same."

"You'd be surprised...," came Leliana's reply which earned a chuckle from the elf.

"Plus," Lavellan continued, "I could see there was a part of you which wished to find a more peaceful solution."

Of all the answers Leliana expected, that was not one of them. In fact, she was caught by surprise, surprise which manifested on her face before she could catch herself. Being at a loss for words, her only answer was a barely audible "Oh?"

"Yes," Ve'lain nodded in confirmation. "I understand the tough decisions that you have to make on a daily basis and the responsibility of that. I also know the weight that adds to one's soul and how it can change a person. Sometimes the change is necessary, but I know from experience that it's not always better. And..."

Ve'lain hesitated for just a moment before continuing, but it was enough for Leliana's trained eye to notice the small changes. In the moment the mage's voice faltered, her body also tensed, and her eyes seemed unsure. Not unsure of what she was saying, but unsure if she should say whatever she planned to. It was the first time the redhead saw that vulnerability and she realised that along with it, the other woman's beauty shone through. She did not do anything to acknowledge it, instead she allowed the elf to continue, although she made a note to remember that moment.

"Something tells me that it has been a while since you were able to share the weight of the world with someone. No one should carry such a burden alone, especially not you."

In the moment Ve'lain finished talking, her knees went weak. Luckily for her she was resting against the post, otherwise she would have fallen over. It took all her willpower to stand upright and try not to turn red with embarrassment over what she just said. She was not even fully aware of what she was about to say until the words started coming out of her mouth, seemingly on their own accord. The mage's head was spinning while trying to come up with any excuse to take her leave, when Leliana spoke.

"I appreciate all that and I want to thank you for interfering earlier. I think that you were right and after this discussion there are a few things that I have to reconsider. Maybe there is more than just one way to do my job after all."

With that, Lavellan saw an opportunity to excuse herself before she could embarrass herself even more. "I'll- I'll get out of your hair so you can figure out what to do about your rogue agent. Have a good day, spymaster."

"You too, Ve'lain," was the reply the elf was too far away to hear.

Lavellan was indeed correct, Leliana had a lot of things to consider, and not just about Butler, but also about a certain elf that seemed to have come into her life and shatter things... in a good way.


	2. Redcliffe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> If some of you (the ones maybe familiar with my other works) wonder how come I put up a second chapter 4 days after the first, _and_ have started working on the next one... don't worry, I wonder that too. But anyway, joke aside, initially I wanted to wait publishing this one until I finished the third, but I figured that this way will probably motivate me more, seeing how now I _cannot_ keep you waiting too much. Hopefully I don't...
> 
> In the meantime though... enjoy and let me know what you thought of it in the comments!
> 
> Annien

Chapter II - Redcliffe

 

 

After returning to the original timeline Redcliffe and apprehending Alexius, Ve'lain, at Cassandra's insistence, started writing a report to send back to Haven about all that transpired in the alternative future. By the time she finished writing a formal report she was so tired that she fell asleep in the moment her head hit the bedroll.

The next moment she was back at Redcliffe castle in that twisted future, feeling the corruption of the red lyrium all around, overwhelming her. The light had a red tint to it which started burning her eyes after a while, making Ve'lain be even more on edge.

The castle was empty, free of both templars and Inquisition agents. At the beginning she thought that the silence would have been preferable to the fighting she experienced the first time, but it was somehow even more unnerving.

The place seemed to be different too, more like a maze, and a path that she knew she took before seemed to lead to a whole different place. Nothing made sense, and that terrified Ve'lain. She started running from room to room, trying to find a way out of that nightmare, but no matter what she did she ended up back to the same place, in a hallway with four rooms to her left and four to her right that seemed to have no end.

Not knowing what to do next, anxiety took over her and she suddenly felt claustrophobic and had the real impression that the walls were closing in. She could see the doors coming closer and closer and felt as if the air rarefied. She had nowhere to turn now, no other option but to watch as the hallway got smaller and smaller until it would suffocate her.

Convinced that was it, that was her end, Ve'lain closed her eyes and prayed to Mythal one last time. One moment passed, then another, and she was still alive. There she was, unmoving and with her eyes closed, waiting for something that never came. The only sound she could hear were the rapid beatings of her heart which slowed down over time. Then there it was... In that nothingness she felt a familiar tug. She slowly lifted her hand and felt the ebbs of magic flow through the air. With her eyes still closed she could not see them, but she could swear that the lines of magic were almost palpable.

Afraid to open her eyes and be back in that never-ending hallway, Lavellan followed the trail of magic blindly. She could not see where she was stepping, nor any of her surroundings, but she was more aware of where she was than ever before. Focusing on both the magic around her and the one flowing through her veins, the elf could sense where it all emanated from. She started walking in that direction, and with every step she took the magic was stronger and she felt more alive.

As she got to what felt like the centre of it, Ve'lain heard what sounded like combat noise muffled by a thick metal door. Extending her hand and touching the cold metal, she realised that she was right. Lavellan pushed open the heavy doors and saw Dorian trying to use Alexius' amulet to send them back to the past. To his right she saw herself listening to Cassandra, Sera and Leliana tell her that they will slow down the Elder One's army in order for her to go back and prevent that future from becoming their reality.

Cassandra and Sera then headed for the door paying her, the real her, no mind. Ve'lain tried to get their attention, making them understand what would happen if they would get outside those doors, but nothing happened. She placed herself in front of Cassandra, but the Seeker just passed through her like she was not there, like she had no physical form.

Lavellan then ran towards the spymaster in a futile effort of stopping her, but once again she was left helpless, forced to stand by and watch as Leliana was fighting those demons. She tried to reach for the magic around her and blast the creatures away, anything to stop the redhead from being hit by an arrow.

That did not work either, and in the last moment she had, Leliana turned towards her, the real her not the dream version, looked deep into her eyes and Ve'lain thought that she even saw a smile before she averted her eyes, not wanting to see the redhead sacrifice her life once more. The very next moment she felt a surge of magic fill the room, saw the portal Dorian opened and followed her dream-self through it.

With a gasp, Ve'lain woke up from her dream, her heart pounding in her chest, tears running down her face and her clothes were drenched in sweat. Even though it was just a dream, even though she _knew_ it was a dream, she could not help but feel that it was real. Needing some fresh air, she stepped outside of the tent and walked towards the fire burning in the middle of their camp.

Lavellan draw Cassandra's attention when she stepped out of her tent, and even though the elf did not feel like talking, she did not want to be alone either. She headed for the place across from the Seeker and sat on the empty ground, warming her hands at the fire.

Cassandra immediately saw the still fresh tears running down her face in the moment Ve'lain stepped into the light and knew that it would be better to keep silent until the Herald regained herself. She tried to go about her watch like normal and not to stare at the elf but found that more difficult than she initially thought. Usually Cassandra was _really good_ at ignoring people, but something was nagging at her to check up on the Herald to see if she was alright. In the short time they had working towards the same goal and fighting together on the same battlefield, Cassandra came to consider Ve'lain a friend. Twice she opened her mouth to speak, but then decided against it.

After the second time, the mage spoke. "You can speak what's on your mind, you know?"

It was the first time since sitting down when Lavellan took her eyes off the fire.

"I jus- I wanted to let you know that I'm here if you want to talk. Or just sit in silence, we could do that too," she added after a moment.

Ve'lain did not realise that she let out a sigh before answering. "I had a nightmare. I was back to that awful future and had to watch you, Sera and Leliana die again. I... I could not change anything, just stand there and watch."

"Do you usually experience bad dreams?"

"No, I don't. The dreams I normally have are beautiful, this was just... It was just cruel."

Silence set again between the two women for the moment it took Cassandra to process what the elf was saying and try to come up with something soothing. She knew that she was not good with words or at comforting people but she tried anyway.

"What you saw in that alternative future and the fact that you could not do anything to fight back the demon attack definitely affected you. From the little that I know of you, you were raised with the responsibility of one day leading and protecting your clan. One way or the other you already did that for your people, so being in a situation where you couldn't do that caused conflict inside you. We cannot always protect everyone."

There was a pause in which Cassandra seemed to be in a totally different place, lost in thought, thinking of the people she could not save.

"Did you lose anyone before?" The Seeker continued.

"Not like this."

"It will be okay," the warrior nodded as she stood up and closed the distance between them to squeeze the elf’s shoulder reassuringly. "It will take a little bit of time to deal with whatever you are feeling right now, but you will. Know that you are not alone. We may not be your clan, but we are here for you."

"Thank you, Cassandra, that means a lot." The mage gave the other woman a shy smile before pulling away. "I think I will go try to get some rest. See you in the morning?"

"Of course."

Sleep did not come to Lavellan that night and in the nights that she could sleep, she always woke up from the same nightmare. She thought that she kept that hidden from the Seeker, but Cassandra knew.

 

***

 

Ve'lain and her companions arrived back to Haven before the mages did. Cullen was not very happy that she promised Grand Enchanter Fiona that the mages would be treated as allies of the Inquisition, but there was nothing he could do about it. The commander, Cassandra and Josephine were working tirelessly to ensure that Haven was ready to receive the mages, and Ve'lain found herself having some free time until she would have to try close the Breach once more. Last time she did it almost killed her, so she was not very happy about her odds. That was just one more thing to worry about. There was nothing that she could do about it though, just wait and see if she survives the second attempt. That feeling of being powerless did not help against her nightmares in the least.

Wanting to feel that she could do something, anything, Ve'lain grabbed the staff Hagrid made for her and started walking past the empty cabin just outside of Haven and into the woods nearby, looking for an opening. She learned about history and the elvish lore when the other elves were learning how to hunt. She did not know how to follow tracks or how to move without making any sounds, but she had her magic and staff which offered her range. She figured that had to count for something.

With everything that happened the past few days, her level of confidence was pretty low to begin with, so her expectations were too. Like that Lavellan figured that if she failed things could not get worse, but if she somehow succeeded in killing something, that would only help.

She walked around for a while until she saw two druffalos in the distance. Ve'lain did not know much about hunting, but she knew enough to realise that it would have been a challenge even for her clan's hunters to approach them. Instead of attacking them and injure herself or worse, get herself killed in the process, the mage continued moving through the trees until she saw a ram, chewing on an elfroot plant. She was skilled at evocation magic, reaching into the Fade and producing effects used for destruction.

Analysing the situation, she knew exactly what she was going to do and hoped that everything would go as planned. She readied her staff, closed her eyes, levelled her breathing and focused on her close connection to the Fade. Ve'lain slowly filled her lungs with air and charged her staff with electricity. She opened her eyes, aimed towards the animal and released a bolt of lightning at the same time she released the breath she was holding. Just as planned, when her magic hit the ram, the burst of electricity running through it also stunned it. Convinced that it could not run away, Lavellan closed the distance and then focused another wave of her magic to put the animal out of its misery.

After the ram fell to the ground, the mage walked to it and ensured that her hunt was successful. Having the knowledge that she could at least achieve one of the things she set up for herself, she managed to relax slightly, almost like a stone was lifted off her shoulders.

Coming back to the moment, Lavellan frowned while looking at the prize of her successful hunt.

"Didn't think things much further than this, I presume?" Came a voice from her left. She immediately recognised it as belonging to Leliana.

"No, not really. I don't have the first clue of what to do when it comes to hunting."

"It was an impressive display for your first time."

To that, Ve'lain gave Leliana an incredulous look which said that she did not believe any word to be true.

"It was," the redhead insisted, and the genuine smile on her face made Ve'lain believe her. "It was definitely better than the first time I went hunting."

"Oh, do you maybe have a story to go with that?"

"I do, and I will gladly share it with you, just not in this cold. Let's grab a drink in the tavern, I'll send someone to bring the ram back to the village."

"Oh good," Lavellan breathed relieved. "I don't know how I would have brought it with me."

 

***

 

Back in The Singing Maiden the atmosphere was relaxed, and the tavern was almost empty with all the people tending to the ongoing preparations. Leliana sat at a table while Ve'lain insisted that she should bring both of them some drinks. She returned to the table with two mugs of honey mead and sat across from the spymaster.

"So, tell me," she started, "how was your first hunt worse than what I did earlier? To be honest, I don't even know what I did."

"I don't think that's quite true," the redhead giggled, thing that made the elf smile at the warm feeling inside of her. "Using lightning to prevent your prey from getting away was a nice touch, and it didn’t seem to have been accidental."

"Maybe I just got lucky?" The mage winked playfully.

"I watched you take your time and carefully plan every move. Meanwhile, I was eighteen when I went on my first hunt with my former bardmaster, Marjolaine. It was on that trip that she gave me my first bow after training me into archery. I was naive and gullible, and very much in love with Marjolaine. I used to read stories and books and I fantasied about the adventure of a hunt, romanticised it."

While Ve'lain sat across the table, watching the light shine through and expose the redhead's face, she became entranced with Leliana and the way she told her story. Her melodic voice took the elf back in time to when she was young and used to listen to the clan's elder tell stories of days long gone, and in that moment she felt like she could listen to the other woman forever.

Ve'lain realised that Leliana was more relaxed and open than the last time they talked. For a moment they were able to stop worrying about the outside world and just get to know more of each other in the comfortable atmosphere of the tavern. Pulling back from her thoughts, the elf focused on what the bard was relating.

“I didn’t even track the hart myself, we had hunters doing that, I simply basked in Marjolaine’s charm and allowed her to entertain me with her stories. When everything was ready and we had the animal surrounded, all I had to do was aim and release the arrow just as Marjolaine taught me, but I ended up wounding the hart, not killing it. I was too upset to end its suffering and watched as she pulled a dagger and ended its life, teaching me a lesson in the process.”

Leliana’s eyes glazed over and she looked away for a brief moment. Lavellan knew that look, the spymaster was reliving a moment pivotal in her life.

“She taught me to always strike first, never to delay the inevitable. I didn’t learn that lesson until years later when I was in the hart’s place.”

“And after all that, you still became a bard?”

“Yes. Majolaine made everything, all aspects of a bard’s life from simply enchanting a crowd to manipulation and assassination, sound as mere idle amusements every young lady in Orlais should practice.”

“And here I thought that dealing with some of the merchants we traded with was difficult. I’m sorry you had to deal with all of that.”

“Don’t be, playing the Grand Game is a national sport in Orlais and every noble plays it. I was born in Ferelden and my mother was in the service of an Orlesian lady. When she moved back, we followed. My mother passed away when I was four, and lady Cecilie took me in. She cultivated my love for literature, art and music, and took me to my first soiree. That’s where I met Marjolaine and immediately fell in love with that life and the intrigue.”

“I might be wrong,” Lavellan added as she made herself more comfortable in her seat, “but the Grand Game sounds ruthless, more like a violent power play than a game.”

Leliana smiled at the Herald before reaching for her drink. “It might seem like that to most people not raised into it, or to people who don’t involve themselves into politics. While that is a part of it, there’s so much more to it. As for the assassinations you speak of, the vast majority of jobs don’t involve going to such lengths, especially if you are a skilled bard. You see, killing is easy,” the redhead said nonchalantly, “the secret to being a good bard is to get the mission done with just a few words, maybe a bit of seduction. Everyone has a weakness that can be exploited. If the bards would kill people left and right in the Game, there’d be no one left to play it, _non_?” Leliana smirked while sipping from her mug.

“I suppose that makes more sense.”

Despite her words, Ve’lain seemed to still be confused as to what the Game was, so Leliana took a moment to think of how to make her understand it better. “Do you know why I chose the raven as a symbol?”

“Because pigeons were less threatening?” Lavellan chuckled.

“Funny you,” the bard tried to look mildly annoyed but could not help herself from smiling. “It comes from the ravens Dirthamen subdued, mastering both Fear and Deceit, and using them when dealing with secrets. Even if most non-Dalish don’t have the knowledge of the elven pantheon, they came to recognise the raven as a symbol of exactly that, secrets, deceit and came to fear it. It’s the same with the Game, you don’t have to employ murder to preside over your foes, do your job well and they will come to fear a honeyed tongue.”

Ve’lain nodded and took a swig of her drink. “That does sound more effective, and pretty scary if I’m being honest here.”

“Are you afraid, lady Herald?” Leliana leaned back, crossed her arms over her chest, slowly tilted her head to one side and smirked at the elf.

Ve’lain’s first reflex was to swallow the lump in her throat. It was not fear, the elf knew that much, it was something else, like a fire starting in the pit of her stomach at seeing the other woman. Not wanting to let the redhead win, Ve’lain smiled and rose to the challenge. “Of you, spymaster, hardly. I’m pretty sure that I can handle you.”

There was a moment between them in which neither moved. They were both studying each other, the tavern and everything around fading away, both waiting to see what the other would do next, who would take the next step. There was a palpable tension in the air and they both knew what the other woman was thinking. To Leliana, that knowledge was enough, and she broke the spell by changing the subject to the reason she sought Lavellan in the first place. “Then what are you afraid of?”

The mage did a double take, her eyes widening, looking intensely at the bard.

“I know you don’t sleep, and when you do, you’re being troubled by nightmares.”

Realising that their meeting earlier was neither accidental, nor the reason she hoped Leliana might want to spend more time with her, Ve’lain was hurt. A strange sadness she did not feel before took over her and she avoided looking at the bard. When she spoke next, her voice was dispassionate. “Did Cassandra send you to check up on me?”

“No. While I admit that it was the Seeker who told me about the nightmare you had back at the camp, she is not the reason I came.”

The elf continued to ignore Leliana and look away, a frown pulling at her brows, and the bard knew that she was closing herself up. Trying to avoid that from happening, Leliana went with her first impulse, reached out and took Ve’lain hands in hers.

The elf’s only reaction was to look at their now joined hands and focus on them, nothing else. She still could not look at the spymaster, but Leliana knew that something else was going on, her proof being the way Ve’lain’s blood was racing through the veins in her neck.

“I am here because I care about you.”

Those words made the elf finally look at her, and Leliana felt disarmed underneath the gaze of those beautiful green eyes. For a while they just looked at each other, and she idly started running a thumb up and down the mage’s hand.

“You know, a wise woman once told me that I should not carry the weight of the world alone, and she was right.” Leliana barely managed to finish her sentence before she was left breathless, those piercing eyes looking deep into her soul. “I am here if you want to talk.”

For the first time in minutes Ve’lain moved, squeezing the other woman’s hands. “Thank you, but I-…” She wanted to say no. She wanted to leave, but something in the way Leliana smiled at her and in the way she was looking at her convinced her to stay and try.

“I don’t know where to start, I uhm… I watched you die.” Even though Ve’lain’s voice was barely above a whisper, grief was audible in her voice. “In that future in Redcliffe, I mean. You sacrificed yourself so that I could return here.”

“Of course I did. One small life in exchange for a second chance at history? I always loved a bargain,” Leliana said with a smile.

“You don’t understand, Leliana! I watched you as you fought and not even for your life, but to buy me some time while I just... While I just sat there!” Disheartened, she slumped on the table, her head laying on top of the bard’s hands.

“Ve’lain, none of that was your fault. You did what you had to do, which was to come back and stop Alexius. I played my own part and the only reason that I could do that was because I trust you.” The mage felt soft hands caressing her hair, thing that made her tears stop running down her cheeks. “You are strong, loyal and brave, and I know that you will do everything you must in order to close the Breach and stop this Elder One. And I,” the redhead paused and touched Lavellan’s chin, lifting her head to meet her gaze. “I will be here, right beside you. Do we have a deal?”

Ve’lain sniffled as she nodded her approval. “We have a deal. Thank you, Leliana. It’s comforting knowing that someone trusts in me when all I can do is doubt myself.”

“If you could see what I do when I look at you, there’d be no doubt left in your mind. Now,” the bard smiled, “how about we get you something to eat and then you can try and get some rest.”

“Is that an order, spymaster?”

“It can be if you want to,” the redhead returned Lavellan’s smirk and ruffled her hair before standing up and walking over to Flissa to order some food.

Ve’lain sat back in her seat and watched contentedly as the spymaster gracefully swayed on her way over to the bar counter. She had Leliana to thank for putting her mind at ease for the first time since Redcliffe, but she also knew that it was more than that. Unlike earlier that day, Ve’lain had something to look forward to and wondered what would happen if she would spend more time in the bard’s company. That simple prospect made her heart swell with joy.


	3. Someone to Fight For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so is it just me or things are going good so far? I mean, I wrote the third chapter, that has to count for something, right? Although I really don't know when I'll find the time for the next one, but I will do my best to start and finish it as soon a possible so... bear with me?
> 
> Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy this one, I actually had fun writing it!
> 
> P.S I also changed the rating to M because of language warnings, just to be safe. It would have happened sooner or later anyway with what I have in mind - no spoilers though ;)...
> 
> Annien

Chapter III – Someone to Fight for

 

 

The smell of smoke was pungent in the air and ash from the scorched patches of grass nearby was falling down Lavellan’s face. Looking around, Ve’lain could have pretended that it was snow falling from the sky, at least if she would not have felt the warmth of the flakes sticking to her skin. Searing pain was flashing though her hand due to the Anchor being overcharged with magic, and her back was hurting from where she hit the trebuchet after the so called Corypheus threw her, but none of that mattered anymore.

She was not terrified neither by the eight-foot tall creature and its dragon menacingly approaching her, nor by the impending doom which took root inside her bones, and that was because she achieved what she set up to do. Not only was she able to close the Breach, but she distracted the Elder One long enough for all the Inquisition forces and Haven’s denizens to escape. When she saw Leliana’s light signal, tears started running down her face leaving grey trails in their path. They were tears of relief knowing that the redhead and all those other people were alive thanks to her.

It was only for a moment, but thoughts of how things will move on for everyone else after this filled her head. She knew that both her clan and the new friends she made would mourn her. Josephine would most probably write a very thoughtful and heart-warming letter to Keeper Deshanna, as well as offer them the support of the Inquisition in those trying times – _“yes, that definitely sounds like something Josephine would do,”_ Ve’lain thought. Leliana would use her spy network to find out more about the plans to assassinate the Empress of Orlais, and as much as Cassandra does not like the nobility, they would foil those plans and the Seeker would be crowned the Hero of Orlais once again – _“hopefully there will be no dragon this time”,_ the mage chuckled at the thought.

Everything was hopeful and had a happy ending in her mind, all apart from one fear she could not shake. She remembered very well how seeing Leliana die made her feel, and how that thought haunted her for days. She was not entirely sure that the bard had any sort of feelings towards her, and a tiny part of her wished her hunch was completely wrong. For the first time in weeks she wished that the redhead did not care for her, not when Leliana already lost so many people close to her. Ve’lain was there to see how she closed off after the Divine’s death, so it pained her to even think of causing the redhead any kind of grief – _“not that I even come close to the Divine.”_

After allowing herself to recognise and accept those feelings, she could not postpone what she had to do any longer, not with Corypheus closing in. She was proud to stand her ground, to have one last moment of defiance in front of this being which strived to ascend to godhood. With a witty remark of telling Corypheus how she kept him talking long enough for Haven to be clear, Lavellan kicked the lever of the trebuchet, launching a rock on top of the mountain and burying them under the avalanche. Seeing the dragon picking him up, the Herald jumped in a futile attempt to get away and fell through some withered planks into the tunnels below. Darkness took over the edges of her vision, slowly closing in as she started feeling the winter’s chill for the first time since the attack.

 

***

 

The only noise that could be heard were heavy-booted footsteps compressing the snow with each fall and the hot breath leaving her lungs and dissipating into the cold winter air in front of her. There was no more wolf howling, no sound of swishing wind, and she left the noise of the camp behind her a few minutes earlier.

Leliana finally arrived at a clearing in the forest and took a moment to rest against the trunk of a tree. Her sabatons, the metallic greaves and the chains of her mail were not the best attire in those weather conditions, despite the paddings underneath. The spymaster knew that she should return to the camp and warm herself up at one of the fires but could not do that just yet.

The whole reason why she left the camp in the first place was due to an impulse decision of walking back to Haven. She wanted to go back and dig Ve’lain out of the snow with her own two hands if need be, but despite her will, she knew that she needed a sign that the mage was alive first, that she could have survived. She concocted crazy plans before – Josephine could attest that – but even so, there was a method to her madness.

And this time… This time Leliana did not think there was much to do. Finally getting a look at the destruction in Haven confirmed that. There was barely any indication that a village used to be there, the whole place was buried under the snow. Less than a quarter of the Chantry was still standing, and the other parts were either buried or collapsed when the avalanche hit. Apart from that, nothing much was visible. There was no light, no trail of smoke, no fire, nothing to indicate that there was something alive down there. Tears started to well in the bard’s eyes and she sniffled, her nose now red and warm contrasting with the coldness of the rest of her body.

Leliana stopped and brushed her tears off as she heard noises of someone approaching. They made no effort to be silent, which was a good thing, otherwise they might have caught a dagger in their chest. Turning around, she was surprised to see Sera approach. She would have expected Cassandra or one of her agents, but definitely not the elf. When the blonde came close enough for them to talk without having to raise their voices, Leliana simply looked at her with a cocked eyebrow.

Sera picked up on that cue and answered the silent question. “I saw you sneaking out of camp. I thought you might have come here.”

“And you thought you’d follow to see if your assumption was right, Sera?”

“Phew, no. I know you needed to be alone.”

“Then why are you here?” The spymaster asked after crossing her arms across her chest.

Instead of answering, the younger rogue trailed past the spymaster to look at what remained of Haven. Her only reaction was to let out a surprised low whistle at seeing the full destruction.

“Do you think she survived?” Sera turned her attention back on the spymaster.

“I uhm… I don’t know.”

The elf saw Leliana absentmindedly shaking her head and frowning at the thought. What most people did not know, maybe not even the Herald, was that after Lavellan returned from Redcliffe and she met with the spymaster in the tavern, Sera was around and tried to eavesdrop on the two of them. She did not hear too much, being almost caught by the woman in front of her, but it was enough to know that the two of them became close.

“You care about her, don’t ya?”

“Why are you asking, Sera?” Leliana did not know what the elf wanted, and after everything that happened the last thing she wanted was to be questioned by the rogue.

“You don’t remember this - why would you, I was just a kid back then – but I saw you with the Warden when you came to the alienage in Denerim. Even though you had to fight those Imperium douches and then go and stick it to that Loghain fucker, you were happy. I’m sorry about the Hero of Ferelden, she was a good woman, but you are happy now, yes? Well, not “ _now”_ now, but with her?”

Leliana knew that Sera had finesse only when firing her bow, not necessarily when it came to words, but underneath all that forwardness and harsh language she seemed to care. Although being reminded of losing someone she loved when she was already in a very similar situation definitely did not make her feel better. Even so, there was something about the rogue’s question. Looking back at the last few days when Ve’lain was in Haven, Leliana realised that she found herself concentrating on reports or on whatever needed her attention, but she secretly hoped that the Herald would find some silly excuse to spend some time together. And Ve’lain really did find the most ridiculous of reasons.

“Yes, Sera, she makes me happy,” the redhead replied, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

“Good, then she better come back. Oh, and so do you. Curly is arguing with Cassandra, something about you and setting wagons on fire. I think… I didn’t give a squirt to listen.”

With a sigh, the bard pushed herself off the tree she came to lean against and headed back to the camp.

 

***

 

It had been a couple of hours since she returned to the camp. Cullen was still having the same argument, while Leliana felt a headache setting in. Her jaw was clenched, the short-cut nails of her left hand were digging into her skin even through the leather gloves, while the other hand was now gripped around the dagger at her side, knuckles white. It was not like she was going to use it on the commander, _not really_ , but Josephine’s hand over hers and the Antivan’s smile stilled the ache of playing with sharp objects. At her friend’s insistencies Leliana took a deep breath and calmed down, trying one more time to reason with the former Templar.

“We cannot give up hope, Commander. If she managed to escape all that, the only way she will get through this is if we send scouting parties.”

“We don’t have the time, nor the men to do this, Leliana!”

“Yes, but you have time to argue with me about it,” the redhead whispered under her breath and rolled her eyes. What the commander did not know was that she had her men looking for Ve’lain even as they spoke.

“What was that?” Cullen slightly raised his voice.

“I said that we cannot afford to travel at a faster pace either, not with the children and elderly that are accompanying us. They are the most sensitive to the weather and require more attention, unless we want them to die of hypothermia.”

“The weather is the least of our problems,” the commander continued to argue. “The Elder One’s army could be following us, and the only thing you are doing is leave a trail behind for them to follow. Yes, I know you ordered your scouts to leave evidence of our camps and keep fires burning. Do you know how irresponsible that is? If Samson followed, he…”

The commander did not have the chance to finish as Leliana interrupted him. “If you would have eyes on the ground you would know that there is no movement back at Haven, no impeding army of Templars ready to attack, and my scouts have reported seeing the Elder One and his dragon escape soon after I fired that signal arrow. But I guess it’s hard to look at the situation at hand if you have your panties all tied up in a bunch.” Leliana swore that she heard a snicker which sounded like it would belong to Sera, reaction which made her break her composure for a short second. Josephine and Cassandra masked their amusement as well, seeing how they both had an image to maintain.

“How dare you? I have real reasons to fear for our people and I have to think of what’s in the best interest of our army. Without that…”

The spymaster did not let him finish again. “Without the Herald, you have nothing! And unless we do things my way and look for her, without _me_ and _my men_ , you have less than nothing, _Commander,_ ” the spymaster glared.

“Is that a threat?”

“Enough of this,” Josephine intervened. “It helps no one if we argue amongst ourselves. We need to work together. We know how a future without the Herald looks like, and no one wants that. We need her, Commander.”

“I agree with them, Cullen.” It was Cassandra’s time to speak. “Ve’lain is one of us, and we don’t just leave our people behind.”

“Fine!” The former Templar agreed reluctantly, seeing that he did not have any other choice. “But if anything happens, it’s your head that falls, _Leliana!_ ”

“Then so be it,” the redhead said as Cullen stepped outside of the tent, throwing daggers at his back the entire time.

With a nod, Cassandra quickly followed, trying to make the man see reason. Being just the two of them left, Leliana turned towards her friend and hugged her.

“Thank you, Josie.”

“Don’t thank me yet, we still need to find her.”

“Yes, we do.”

Feeling vulnerable the redhead instinctively held on to the Antivan, looking for any kind of comfort. A few moments passed by before she pulled away.

“I know there wasn’t much time, Leli, but did you have time to say good bye… just in case?”

“We uhm… I did. She came looking for me, told me about her plan and made me promise to shoot a fire arrow in the moment we made it out to safety. She wanted to know that I was safe.” Leliana almost choked on unshed tears. “Oh Josie, I should have kissed her… Maker, I should have kissed her when I had the chance!”

This time tears started streaming down the redhead’s face as she collapsed in the ambassador’s arms. Josephine lowered them both to the ground and held on to her friend, caressing her hair and whispering encouragements, at the same time praying to the Maker that Lavellan made it out alive.

 

***

 

_She was back at Haven, the chantry still intact around her and Cullen was taking Chancellor Roderick to show them the tunnels he mentioned previously. Lavellan knew that she did not have much time before having to go out there and buy everyone some time, but her feet would not move. She never feared death, did not really think hard on it either, but she knew that something was not right. Trying to put a finger on it she realised that something was missing, and the elf knew exactly why when she saw Leliana coming out of Josephine’s office with two of her agents, sending them to follow the commander. And then she turned, their eyes met, and Ve’lain’s feet started moving on their own accord, taking her to the bard. By the time she reached Leliana the chantry was empty except for the two of them – or maybe it was not, but the mage did not care any longer._

_“Ve’lain, what are you waiting for? We should follow the rest to the tunnels.”_

_“I am not coming,” she said with a small smile meant to attenuate the news._

_“What do you mean you aren’t coming?”_

_The elf sighed and reached out to brush the redhead’s shoulder, her eyes staring deep into clear blue ones. “The Elder One is after me, Leliana. He doesn’t care about this place or the people, but he will destroy everything in his path to get to me. I cannot let him do that.”_

_“But you- you can’t, Ve’lain. You…”_

_“It’s what needs to be done and we both know that.”_

_A look of determination and resolution washed over the spymaster’s face. She mimicked the elf by gripping her shoulder and after a short nod, she spoke. “Then I am coming with you. Together we might fight him off, and either way, I’m not letting you do this by yourself.”_

_“Leli,” Ve’lain pursed her lips and looked at the bard with the most pleading expression and a heavy heart. “The only way that I can do this is if I know you’re safe. Promise me that you’ll get out, please.”_

_“But I- “_

_The bard wanted to argue some more but knew that she could not deny the woman in front of her anything. Instead she did not waste any more words, nor the few precious moments they had left. They both stared at each other, eyes locked, memorising every feature and emotion, and an eternity seemed to have passed between them, or at least they both wanted to be lost in that moment for eternity._

_Ve’lain knew that if she were to spend one more moment looking at the beautiful woman in front of her, she would not have been able to ever leave. With a tremendous effort she managed to take a step back and offer the bard her best version of a reassuring smile._

_“Remember, fire an arrow in the moment you are safe.”_

_Leliana nodded and the mage turned to leave. She started walking towards the Chantry doors when the bard called out her name._

_“Ve’lain,” she paused and took a moment to make up her mind. For a second the elf thought that she was going to close the distance between them, but Leliana only ended up looking for any sign of fear on the mage’s face. She found none. “Come back to me.”_

_The last thing the spymaster saw was Lavellan’s smirk before she exited the Chantry._

 

***

 

Waking up with a groan, Lavellan realised that she hoped in vain for some snow to soften her landing. Her ears were ringing, her head felt heavy and her body was completely sore. After two tries she managed to stand up on shaky legs and looked around her. She was in some sort of a tunnel that looked similar to the ones Roderick took the rest of the Inquisition through, and she prayed that they were connecting at some point.

She started walking, her breathing shallow and wheezing, most probably due to landing on her lung. She did not want to think of the bruise she sported on her back. When she got to what looked like a junction of interconnecting tunnels, she felt a stabbing pain curse through her hand and all the nerves in her arm suddenly started burning. She collapsed to the floor, her body locking up and tried riding the pain. Her vision became darker, all she wanted to do was sleep, but knew that she had to get up.

Daring to look down the tunnel Ve’lain saw a white light and that was the thing that kept her going. In the moment that she stepped out her feet sank into snow, her body was hit by the intensity of the wind, and she wished that she was back into the tunnel. The elf did not know where she was, where she was going, but one thing she knew for sure was that she had to keep moving or otherwise freeze to death.

The harsh wind was blowing the snow in front of her face and limiting her vision to a few feet in front of her, but even so Ve’lain started climbing the mountain. Trying to assess the situation as much as possible she realised that it was already day. With the sun obscured by the clouds she could not tell what time it was, but she already lost the entire night. Following the edge of the forest as much as possible and trying to stay away from the howling of the wolves, the mage came upon a small campsite. It was cold, the Inquisition must have passed through there a long time before, but it was a start. Needing to rest, and most importantly to heat up, she tried tapping into the Fade. The first few attempts lead to her conjuring only a spark between her fingers but knowing that a certain person asked her to survive was enough of a drive to cause the cold embers to catch fire.

After finding a mess kit that was identical to the one Leliana’s scouts carried with them, Lavellan picked up some snow and left it to melt over the fire while she went out and picked up some elfroot leaves to make some tea. Not only did the hot liquid helped warm her up, but it gave her a boost of energy to continue scaling the mountain. Happy that she still had her waterskin, although empty, she filled it with more of the tea she made to reinvigorate her body later on.

She walked until the night fell, found a few burnt wagons which helped her follow the Inquisition’s trail, but hit a point where she was exhausted, cold, hungry and had no more elfroot tea. After she ran out sometime late in the afternoon, Ve’lain had to adopt other methods and started chewing on the leaves she had left. Initially she thought of rationing the few which remained, but her body soon became weary and it was harder and harder to keep going.

But then she saw a fire in the distance and used the last of her strength to reach that place. By the time she closed half of the distance the fire died down. Knowing that whoever was there must have been looking for her, Ve’lain pushed onward and when she reached the camp the embers were still warm. She collapsed to the ground, almost entirely exhausted and, surprisingly, it felt good. She started dozing in and out of consciousness, dreaming of her clan, of green forests and sunlight. She imagined taking Leliana through them and showing her the beauty of the wildness in the northern Free Marches. She then saw a figure of light who reaching a hand out to her, a hand which she took, and suddenly she woke up with a gasp.

Her body was shivering, her clothes were soaked, but with a last effort she extended her hands and shot dozens of fire bolts through the air. The show of fire did the trick and as she was trailing into slumber once more, she saw one of Leliana’s agents which goes by the name Sparrow reach over and pick her up.

 

***

 

When she woke up next it was to a warm tent, the smell of food and Mother Giselle tending to her. Outside the leaders of the Inquisitions were fighting, Ve’lain could hear the spymaster and the commander engaged in a heated discussion as the ambassador tried to calm things down. She realised that the commander was not pleased with their situation and wanted to act. Lavellan would have joined them if the revered mother would have allowed her, but the older woman had another way of settling the raised spirits, and that was through their faith. She started singing the moment the advisors stopped arguing for a second and in the moment Leliana joined, her voice soothed any ailing Ve’lain might have previously had. Soon the rest of the camp joined, and both hope and faith were palpable in the air.

The elf did not even realise when the song ended, she was so entranced with the bard, but as the other people which joined started clearing away the two of them were left smiling at each other. With a slight tilt of her head Ve’lain invited the bard over to her tent and was pleased to see her accepting the offer.

“You’ve made it,” Leliana said the moment they were alone. It was such a simple statement, but for so long she was not sure she would be able to say those words out loud.

“I guess I have you to thank for that. Mother Giselle told me that you didn’t stop looking for me, not even when it caused some friction with the rest of the advisors.”

“Oh, are you referring to Cullen? I would have gone through him if I had to, luckily Josephine smoothed things over,” the bard chuckled.

“You fought for me!” It was a statement. It was a fact. It was more than anyone had ever done for her.

“And you’ve done what we asked of you. What _I_ asked of you.”

“Yeah, I suppose I did that. Closed the Breach, buried Haven, saved all your lives, drove off Corypheus… I suppose I’m a hero now?” The mage quipped.

Looking at Leliana, Ve’lain saw those fiery eyes stare at her. The bard approached slowly, her feet moving soundlessly, almost like she did not have to touch the ground, and the elf found herself on shaky legs. Trying to ease her nerves, she deflected in the only way she knew how. “And what is my reward? Fame? Fortune?”

By the time she finished speaking, Ve’lain was face to face with the woman who captured her full attention, her every thought, and now her heart which was threatening to burst out of her chest. The next thing she knew, with grace that she did not thought possible, the bard wrapped her arms around her neck and stared into her eyes before whispering.

“How about this?”

Leliana leaned in for a kiss, Ve’lain met her halfway, and when their lips met nothing else mattered in the world, nothing else existed. They took the time to feel each other, to learn each other, and to comfort each other that they were still there, they were alive, and most importantly they were together. It was a long time before they broke the kiss and they only did so to catch their breaths. When the redhead looked at her there were tears in those beautiful blue pools, but they were tears of joy.

“You came back to me,” she whispered against the mage’s lips, her breath slightly tickling, and Ve’lain heard hurt, sadness and grief leave her voice in that instant.

“I will always come back to you, Leliana. Always…” It was a difficult promise to make, but the elf’s eyes were determined and confident.

Hearing that heart-felt promise threatened to break the redhead and she tried to reply, but there were no words. For the first time in her life she was a speechless bard, but she knew somehow that it was the best kind. Instead she reached out, found Ve’lain and they leaned into each other, their lips moving in unison just like their heartbeats.

It was not long before the mage’s body fully relaxed and tiredness crept in, making her legs unstable. The spymaster caught her before she would fall and pulled the nearest chair closer.

“You need to rest,” she said, her voice filled with worry. “I’m going to let you get some sleep.”

“No, please,” Ve’lain exclaimed and reach out a hand to catch the bard before she could leave. “Stay? I really don’t want to be apart from you, not after it took so long to come back to you.”

With a reassuring smile the redhead reached out and cupped the mage’s cheek with her soft hand. “Okay, I will stay.”

This time it was the elf’s turn to lean in a steal a quick kiss before leading them to her bedroll. She laid down and allowed the bard to rest her head on her chest, soft hands wrapping around her middle. They fell asleep together, Ve’lain’s fingers running through soft auburn hair and it was the sweetest sleep they both remembered having in a really long time.


	4. Small Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> This chapter is a bit later than I wanted due to a few reasons. For starter, I did not even imagine that the previous week would be such a hectic time for me, barely getting a few hours of sleep each day, and even having gone very long periods without sleep. That obviously affected my writing capability, but it wasn’t the only thing.
> 
> After I decided what I want this chapter to be, I felt like I had to go on and get the proper tools needed to come up with something to meet my own expectations. In order to do so I actually spent quite a bit of time researching baroque dances and even taught myself a crude read of choreography notation. Now that I think about it though, I used like half of what I intended to use after doing all that research. I guess the reason for that was that while actually putting everything down into writing it felt a bit too much, so I guess I just didn’t add the second part. Oh well, I hope this way the story is more fluid, it certainly seemed so at the time.
> 
> Now I want to warn you guys about spoilers for The Masked Empire as Ve’lain learns about the affairs in Orlais and the battle for the throne. So maybe skip that talk if you don’t want a major part of the book spoiled. I felt that the short wartable discussion of Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts does not do justice to the whole situation which started the civil war in Orlais, nor to the wonderfully crafted (and sad) relationship between Celene and Briala (plus, seeing how the game had to offer the player the choice of who would sit on that throne, Leliana’s involvement and thoughts on the events from TME are not voiced in order not to influence that decision). The Masked Empire is one of my favourite books and Patrick Weeks did an amazing job with that novel, and this is me trying to pay a small homage to it. Also, reading almost half of the book again (I could not stop myself tbh) really made me want to write a “fix-it” one-shot after the next chapter in here, which will have Ve’lain and the Inquisition going to the Winter Palace. Who knows, depending on how I can organise my time I might do just that.
> 
> Anyway, I’ll end this long a/n by hoping that you guys enjoy the chapter and maybe let me know what you thought in the comments, I always love reading them.
> 
> Annien

Chapter IV – Small Death

 

After surviving Haven and the confrontation with Corypheus and his dragon, Ve’lain, with Solas’ help, led the Inquisition to a new place for them to make their home. Once in Skyhold the advisors held careful considerations and then offered her the position of Inquisitor. It was Cassandra who told her that she was already leading them, and Leliana was the one who presented her the sword of the Inquisitor which belonged to the last person to fill that position, Inquisitor Ameridan, who, coincidentally, was also an elf. With that, the former two Hands of the Divine carried out Justinia’s will of forming the Inquisition and now finding someone to lead them, the next step being stopping the war and the Elder One.

For a moment Lavellan hoped to be able to have some time to breathe, but there was so much that needed to be done. While Cullen and his men were working on getting the fortress back into shape, Ve’lain had to put out fires left and right with the conflict between Cassandra and Varric reaching a boiling point, and with all the other pressing matters. She tried delegating most of them, Josephine and Leliana dealing with the bulk of them, but some things she could not delegate. She met with Marion Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall, who dealt with Corypheus before and had the connections with the Grey Warden’s they needed to try and figure out what the magister wanted to do.

While not dealing with issues in both Ferelden and Orlais, Ve’lain was back at Skyhold preparing for the upcoming ball hosted by Empress Celene. The elf was glad to be back because that meant seeing more of the spymaster but did not necessarily like the sessions she had to have with Josephine to learn about etiquette, the Orlesian nobility and the Grand Game.

With how busy they both were, Ve’lain and Leliana managed to sneak out a few times and spend some time together, but their meetings were always cut short and they did not have the time to discuss how their friendship changed or what that meant.

Josephine was just ending up yet another one of her lessons, teaching her about the history between the Empress Celene and her former handmaid, now ambassador of the elves, Briala, when the mage drifted off thinking of a certain redhead bard.

“Do I bore you, lady Inquisitor?” Josephine’s sweet voice and cute accent pulled Ve’lain out of her thoughts.

“No, not at all, ambassador. I apologise, I was simply thinking of what else I need to do today.”

“I see,” the Antivan smiled, knowing exactly of whom, not of what, the elf was thinking. “If you have more pressing matters to attend to, we can end our session here.”

“No, it can wait,” Lavellan insisted. “What else do we have scheduled for today?”

“Well, I was hoping to get through a couple of points in our lecture plan, but now that I think about it, Leliana would be better suited to help you with what we started on and especially with what would have been our next step.”

Ve’lain slightly narrowed her eyes at the suggestion and searched the Antivan’s face. The mischievousness in Josephine’s eyes confirmed the mage’s hunch.

“You know about us,” she simply stated. There was no point in denying it, Lavellan knew as much, not with the ambassador’s perception and intuitive skills. After all, Josephine used to be a bard and was extremely good at her job.

“It wasn’t that difficult to figure it out. And before you start panicking, don’t worry, I don’t think anyone else knows,” the Antivan hurried to add when she saw Ve’lain’s train of thought heading there. “But I’ve known Leliana for a very long time and even though she can be as difficult to read as the Empress of Orlais when she wants to, I know her tells. She’s happy around you.”

“I’m glad to hear,” Ve’lain smiled genuinely and felt warmth in her chest at the thought. “She deserves some of that.”

“Yes, she does, which is why I should warn you. She’s lost a great deal of people she loved and I don’t even want to begin to imagine the damage losing someone else would do to her. So, don’t do anything dangerous. Or stupid. Or dangerously stupid, otherwise you’ll have to deal with me, and I assure you, lady Inquisitor, you don’t want to see what I can do when I leave all the nicety behind,” the Antivan emphasised her words by pinning Lavellan with a stare.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Josephine. I’m happy that someone’s looking out for her, what with her always looking out for everyone else.”

“I think she now also has you to do that,” the Antivan reached in and squeezed Ve’lain’s shoulder gently. “I would like to offer you some advice though, if I may.”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Just be patient. Looking back at her past, Leli has plenty of reasons to be slow to trust, but she’ll eventually open up to you if you give her time. I know she cares about you and I’ve seen her let her guard down around you more than she did in a long time. You’re on the right path.”

“Thank you, Josephine, I’ll keep that in mind,” Ve’lain said as they drifted into a hug. “Now for our lesson?”

“Yes, of course, Inquisitor,” the brunette dropped back into formality. “I think you should actually go find the spymaster and ask her about the civil war in Orlais. She’s more familiar with all the parties involved and witnessed how it all started.”

“I will do just that, lady ambassador. Thank you for your time.” Lavellan bowed and headed for the door.

“Oh, and Ve’lain?” Josephine called after the elf as she was about to exit. “Please ask Leliana to teach you the Orlesian formal dances. I believe you’ll be getting quite a few invitations to dance while at the Grande Ball, and who better to learn from?”

The ambassador’s mischievous smirk told the elf that, while perfectly acquainted with the Orlesian court dances herself, there was another reason why Josephine delegated that task to the redhead.

 

***

 

Entering the rookery, Lavellan saw Leliana and two of her agents being hard at work. The redhead and Tanner, a former lay-sister she personally recruited, were writing reports and letters, while the other agent was tending to some of the birds – not Baron Plucky though, he only behaved for his master.

“Good afternoon, spymaster,” the elf made her presence known. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” Ve’lain aimed for formality, seeing how they were not alone.

“Not at all, Inquisitor, I always have time for you.”

The mage eyed the stack of unopened letters on Leliana’s desk and looked back at the redhead with a wide grin on her face.

“But what are you doing here anyway,” the bard continued. “I thought you were supposed to have your lessons with Josie. Did too much etiquette bore you and had to come running to me?”

The mage narrowed her eyes and feigned annoyance at the spymaster’s playful jest but could not stop the corners of her lips lifting up into a smile. “Actually, _spymaster_ , Josephine thinks that there are some aspects of my lessons which could use your expertise.”

“Oh?” Leliana sounded intrigued.

“Yes, I heard that you were there when the civil war started in Orlais and Josephine seems to think that you might know more than her when it comes to the empress and her former lover. Something about you being such a skilled player of the Game that Empress Celene herself was warry of your interactions.”

With a smile still adorning her face, Leliana pointed to an empty chair in front of her desk for Ve’lain to take, while she settled in her own seat. By now, as the Inquisitor came to realise, both agents made themselves scarce, offering the two of them some privacy to continue their conversation.

“Well, I don’t know if it was my expertise in playing the Game or the fact that my word carried the Divine’s will which kept the empress on her toes, but either way, Josie is flattering me with such compliments.”

“I don’t know about that, spymaster. The more I learn about the Game either from our esteemed ambassador or by spending time in Orlais, the more I see how the entire imperial court seems to think highly of – and some even fear – the _Nightingale_.”

“Be that as it may,” the bard tried to brush those comments away, ”I don’t think there’s much too say. Empress Celene has been having a relationship with her former handmaid in secrecy for quite some time, before she even took the throne. They managed to keep it hidden for a very long time – you had to be really good to know about it, and I don’t know who else did apart from myself and some trusted servants part of the inner circle – at least until Celene’s cousin, Grand Duke Gaspard, found about it and tried to discredit her, quite publicly I might add.”

The elf was paying attention to the spymaster’s every word, nodding idly every now and then.

“Back then the situation was pretty tense, the city elves in Halamshiral started to rebel after a noble killed one of their own and Celene’s hands were tied. She could not publicly support the elves without having Gaspard use that against her, so she sent Briala to assassinate the noble and put an end to the rebellion. At the same time, I was attending a play at the Grande Royeaux theatre as a guise to meet with the Empress on behalf of the Divine and discuss the support Justinia was willing to offer and under what conditions. The play was… well, a disaster for the Empress, an impressive power play from the Grand Duke and to some Andrastians outright heresy. Gaspard commissioned the director to enact a performance where Andraste ignores the war against Tevinter after taking the elf Shartan, played by a woman, as her lover, thus forcing Maferath to betray her for the good of the kingdom. It was a clear reference to the way he viewed the situation in Orlais, with Celene as Andraste, Briala as Shartan and himself as Maferath.”

“And we are attending the ball as his guests?” The elf asked incredulously, her mouth slightly agape.

“Before you jump to any conclusions,” the redhead tried to calm the mage, “no party here is without fault. This is just the way the Grand Game works, and anyone who plays at that level has done something far worse, including myself. Empress Celene rose to the throne of the most powerful nation in Thedas at the age of sixteen through wisdom and wit, but also through ruthless manipulation. At the same time, she guided the empire into an age of enlightenment. She has inspired a cultural renaissance in the empire by being a fervent patron of education and the arts. After she was crowned empress, she announced her intention to study at the university herself, starting a reform and guiding it into a new age. Before her rule, the University was strictly following the Chantry's teaching and only the younger children of the lesser nobility attended its classes due to its restriction on theological studies. Now the University is one of the most esteemed institution in Thedas, renowned for its studies on history, arts, philosophy, nature and even magic. Every respected noble from all the nations wants to attend its classes now, and while noble blood was always one of the requisites for entry, Celene urged the University to accept even elves sponsored by a noble. And well, I was fortunate enough to be there when she expertly handled Chancelier Morrac and persuaded him to open the doors to an elven student.”

As an elf herself, Ve’lain could not help smiling at the thought of maybe one day some of the gifted children in her clan attending the classes there themselves. It was a nice sentiment, but she knew that was not the complete picture, so she resumed listening to Leliana.

“In my opinion, part of Celene’s actions was the desire to see Orlais enter a new era of prosperity and her pro-alliance views, part of it was her close relationship with Briala. It is no secret that the former imperial spymaster pushed for better reforms for both the elves and commoners alike.”

“But then something happened, something that made Briala think that she could do more for her people on her own. I assume that’s why she left Celene?”

“You catch on quick,” Leliana offered the mage a playful smirk and looked at her with fire in her eyes. “After the backlash of the play the empress lost the support of some noble families which considered her an elven lover, and that allowed Gaspard more reign. At the same time, Justinia would not support her in the civil war while the rebellion was still going in Halamshiral.” Leliana sighed and Ve’lain could swear she saw something that resembled tears into the bard’s eyes. “If only we would have acted differently… If only _I_ would have convinced the Divine to take a stand either way, maybe we would not have been here, maybe…”

Leliana trailed off, regret clear in her voice. Ve’lain reached out and took hold of her hand, caressing the back of her palm soothingly. After a moment of gathering herself, the redhead looked up and offered the elf a small smile of gratitude.

“As a result of that night, Celene decided to crush the rebellion herself. She had to show the nobles that what they mistook as an inability to safeguard the empire was, in fact, just her reluctance to go to war when there were other options available. So, she had Briala arrested for the murder of the noble, marched with her own chevaliers and set fire to the slums.”

Ve’lain closed her eyes and lowered her head, feeling her heart get heavy at the thought of so many lives that were lost. Also, it was in that moment that a strange feeling overtook her and after a moment she realised she was feeling conflicted. A couple of months ago she would have been angry at that choice and the killing – and she still was – but a part of her realised why the empress did that. She was also reminded of Leliana and the way she wanted to handle Butler, but her being there stopped the spymaster from taking that path. Thinking about it, Ve’lain wondered if the empress would have taken a different path, had she had her lover on her side. And with that, understanding dawned over her.

“Empress Celene was forced to keep her hold on the throne through harsh measures. In her own perspective, with the Grand Duke on the throne the empire would have waged the wars some are still aching for, and as a retaliation to the Empress’ reign, the elves would have suffered and whatever progress Celene managed to bring would have been for nothing under his rule. Caught between the hammer and the anvil she tried to sacrifice one city in order to save the others. What if she had waited on Briala and went with the initial plan? Do you think things would have turned out differently?”

“It is hard to tell, Ve’lain. In moments when you gamble with the fate of nations all you can do is act and hope things turn out the way you want them to.” There was a moment when Ve’lain saw Leliana trail off, most probably going over her involvement in the matter and some of the decisions she had made.

“Leli, I will go to this ball with the intent of stopping the assassination and finding who the assassin is and what is their goal. The fate of Orlais will be decided at the Winter Palace and from what I gather so far, I have the power to decide who will stand on that throne, especially with the Grand Duke using the influence of the Inquisition to tip the scale to his side.”

“And what would you want the outcome to be?” Leliana asked and then studied Ve’lain as she waited for her answer.

“To be honest, I’m not entirely sure how much of that is up to me.”

“Let’s say it is,” the redhead gave the elf a stare which told her that the spymaster knew more than she was letting on. “Who would you support?”

“I know that the last thing we need right now is to have someone on the throne who thinks only on conquering back Ferelden and Nevarra, but does that make Celene suited to govern the country? After all, her own lover decided to stand against her.” The mage took a second to think things through, brows furrowed on her forehead. “Tell me,” she continued, her eyes finding Leliana’s blue ones, “what is your opinion of the Empress?”

Leliana considered the question for a bit before nodding. “If you ask me as your spymaster, I will tell you exactly what I told the Empress while acting in the same position as I am now. Throughout the years, with some of the decisions she had made and the change she brought even in the most difficult of times she showed that she thinks less for herself and more for Orlais that even I had expected, which is a quality I have not seen enough in a ruler. Also, I was there when twenty years of relative peace, enlightenment and safety for Orlais was cast aside because all her efforts were reduced to the foolishness of a woman overly infatuated with an elf.”

“And if I ask Leliana, not the Nightingale?” The Inquisitor smiled, already knowing the answer.

The bard caught Ve’lain’s smirk and could not help but smile realising that the other woman figured out that she was able to draw parallels between how in such a short time the mage influenced her life, and how ambassador Briala had influenced Celene’s over the years. The only mildly annoying part was that she had to acknowledge that, thing that would only serve to boost the elf’s smugness.

“You’re quite observant. With the guidance of a proper trainer, I think you’ll do well in the Game. Also, to answer your question, I believe that without the proper support from the outside, anything the Empress did and would do to try and achieve her vision of Orlais was bound to be met with resistance and have a slow progress, which only made her life more difficult. I also believe that with the support of the Inquisition and the right Divine she can do so much more than she ever thought possible. That kind of backing would also validate her rule, and who knows, she might even receive her former lover’s support once again. Someone once told me that no one should have to bear the weight of the world alone, and that is so much truer when it comes to the Empress herself.”

“I see,” Ve’lain could barely hold back her smile. “Thank you for your advice on this matter, _spymaster_.”

“Anytime, Inquisitor. Now, was there anything else Josephine thought to delegate to me?”

“Actually, there was,” Ve’lain hesitated and she felt a blush creep in, which definitely did not go unnoticed by the bard. She stood up, trying to mask her feelings on the matter. “She also thinks it’s imperative for me to know how to act at this very important ball we’ll attend, so she told me to ask for your assistance in learning all about the Orlesian formal dances.” The elf smiled awkwardly while trying, and failing monumentally, to radiate nonchalance.

“I see,” the redhead could not help her grin at seeing the other woman’s blush. “If that is something that will help the Inquisition gain the court’s approval, I will gladly offer my services. How about we meet in your quarters in an hour? I need to make some arrangements to see that our lesson is not disturbed.”

The Inquisitor gulped, her eyes widening at the idea of the spymaster specifically asking for privacy, and at being alone with Leliana. It was something that she wanted ever since the bard kissed her after surviving Haven, but now that they were there, Ve’lain’s heart was racing.

“Of course, spymaster, I better go and find a proper attire for this occasion.”

Ve’lain realised how stupid that sounded the moment she blurted those words out. Across from her, though, Leliana could not look more delighted.

“Indeed. Whatever you think is necessary, Inquisitor.”

With a small nod and the purse of her lips the elf rushed out of the rookery, not stopping even after exiting Leliana’s room. Meanwhile, the redhead simply leaned back and watched her leave, shaking her head and chuckling. If the mage thought that she knew what she was in for, she thought wrong.

 

***

 

Just as Leliana promised, an hour had passed since Ve’lain left the rookery, until the moment she heard knocking on her door. She shouted for the bard to enter while fumbling with her fingers in anticipation. She did not lie when she told the bard that she would find a different set of clothing, and she spent almost the entire hour doing so, changing between different outfits and taking almost as much time to decide what to do with her hair. She decided to go for a formal cut coat in white accents and a fine red undershirt, trying to project a much more confident look than she felt on the inside. She also ended up changing nothing to her hair, sporting the same short undercut on the left side of her head, the rest of her light grey hair falling to the right.

When she heard Leliana close the door behind her, slight panic took over the elf who hastily tried to find somewhere to wait for the bard to come up the stairs. She sat at the foot of the bed, trying to go for a pose, but felt like an idiot and not looking flattering at all. She stood up immediately and hurried to sit behind her desk, and in her haste the legs of her chair screeched alongside the wooden floor, most probably giving her away. Looking franticly around for something to busy herself with, a book, a report or even pretend to write a letter, the Inquisitor found none, remembering that she tied up her desk in the anticipation of having the bard over. She knew that trying to reach inside one of the drawers would definitely make too much noise, so she decided to stand up and lean against the entrance to the balcony behind her instead.

She felt silly, but none of that mattered when she saw the bard, her jaw almost hitting the floor at the sight in front of her. Apparently, the bard decided to trade the spymaster’s armour and cloak for a sumptuous evening gown made of white satin. Various apt shadings of Orlesian blue and grey made the stylised floral motifs embroidered with crystals, metallic thread, gemstones and pearls which adorned the gown. The dress’ strapless bustier, accentuated by serried ranks of diamond shapes, attracted Ve’lain’s attention to Leliana’s chest and left the mage speechless. The elf felt all moisture leave her mouth and all she wanted to do was take that dress off.

The redhead started walking towards the centre of the room, and Ve’lain found herself walking with her. When they met halfway, the elf made an effort to look into those deep blue eyes and realised that they did not help her find her words any better. After a few tries she managed to say a fraction of what was on her mind.

“You uhm… you look stunning, Leliana.”

“Thank you,” the bard genuinely smiled. “I had this dress ready for such an occasion as the Grande Ball, but then Josephine pointed out that we should show a united front as Inquisition and designed an outfit that would suit every one of our members. But when this occasion presented itself, I could not resist wear it at least once.”

“I am grateful that you didn’t. Although I don’t know how I’ll be able to take my eyes off you enough to do anything else. You are a sight to behold,” the Inquisitor added, still in unbelief.

“Now you just flatter me.”

“And can you blame me?”

“I suppose not, but we’re here to do something.” After seeing Ve’lain’s smirk and quipped eyebrow, the bard added, “Official Inquisition business.”

At that the elf could simply nod her approval, so the bard headed for the desk to place a small object that she was holding, one that escaped the Inquisitor’s eyes. “I brought a small music box, one of the last things I have of my mother. It will play the songs we need to teach you imperial ball room dancing.”

In the moment Ve’lain turned to look at what the bard was doing, her legs became instantly unstable. Looking at the open back of the dress and realising that she would have to keep her hands there while dancing made the elf extremely nervous – and aroused.

When the bard turned around, she was greeted with the mage’s very pale features. “You seem nervous,” she simply stated. “You have nothing to worry about, you’ll catch onto the steps really quickly.”

“It’s not the steps that have me nervous.”

“Oh, if it’s not the dance, then it must be the partner,” Leliana could not pass the opportunity to tease the other woman. “I can go ask Josie to replace me if you wish.”

“No, I definitely don’t want Josephine here,” the elf blurted out before she could realise how she made that sound.

“I’ll be sure to tell her that then,” the bard did not relent her teasing.

“That’s not what I meant, Leli, and you know it!”

“I do, but you’re adorable when you’re flustered,” the redhead giggled.

“And you thought you’d exploit that. You know, taking advantage of my nervousness is quite a mean thing to do.”

Ve’lain meant all that as a joke, and Leliana knew exactly how she could work with that. “Aw, I apologise, _ma ch_ _érie_. Maybe this will make things better?”

Leliana closed the distance between them deliberately, brushed Ve’lain cheek with one hand before reaching underneath her chin and tilting it up, guiding their lips to meet into a slow and gentle kiss. She missed the elf’s taste and having the sweet heat of her breath in her mouth, so she took the time exploring the other woman until they were both left breathless.

Coming back from the haziness of their kiss Ve’lain smiled lazily. “That definitely helped, but I might need a little more encouragement.”

“Oh?” The bard bit the corner of her lower lip seductively, thing that made Ve’lain crush their lips once more, this time in a fierier and more passionate kiss.

Soon enough, though, she found herself breaking the kiss before she would get distracted with other things. “Orlais. Ball. Dance. Focus,” she told herself as she tried to pull together. Ve’lain realised that what she meant to be an inner pep talk was spoken out loud and immediately after that both women burst into a fit of laughter.

“Yes, the Grande Ball, shall we start?”

“After you, spymaster,” Lavellan offered, and Leliana delved right into it.

“As you might be already aware, it is generally known that anyone striving to gain connections and prestige within the Imperial court must be an adept dancer, especially while playing the Game. In dancing, just like in everything else in Oralis, there’s a hierarchy to the couples present on the floor and their status in the society dictates their status in the dance. Many people will ask you to dance with them in order to advance on the ladder, so you have to be careful who you refuse and who you _do not_.” Leliana emphasised that point. “One thing that will be expected of you as the Inquisitor is to be part of the leading couple, and that is exactly what I will teach you how to navigate now. Do you know how being the leading couple fits with the rest present on the floor?”

“Apart from having most eyes on you, not really, no.”

“Well, after you accept or invite anyone to dance, when getting on the ball room floor you will start in the position of the top couple. Now, assuming that Empress Celene won’t be dancing at that time – and she definitely won’t – you’ll most probably be the leading couple. When the leading couple is at the top, the second couple is properly the central couple, yet it never assumes that name. That name is reserved for the leading couple when they occupy the place of the second couple in the figure, who consequently become the top couple. Therefore, when the leading couple alluded to are acting in the centre, they are named the central couple. Everything okay so far?”

“I think so. Basically, as part of the leading couple I need to assume the position of the central couple?”

“Yes, and I will show you the easiest way to do so by teaching you something called _la poussette_ , or the walk.” Leliana touched the small box she brought, and music started playing over it. “Now, you’ll want to slowly walk over to your partner until you are face to face. From there, after a small bow you both extend your left hands until they almost touch. Maintaining eye contact with your partner you start moving to your right until you complete a circle and end back in the initial position.”

They demonstrated that and followed Leliana’s instructions, both focused on the atmosphere and on each other, the tension heavy in the air as they stared into each other’s eyes while encircling one another. After reaching their initial position, the redhead offered the elf a small smile and took a step forward, and Lavellan did the same, taking the bard’s hand in hers and placing the other one at the small of her back. Although tempting, the Inquisitor chose to keep an air of professionalism – or at least give it her best.

“After that, the leading partner – in this case me – would lead them to move around each other to their right,” Leliana spun Lavellan and changed their position as she was still relaying the information, and then proceeded into a waltz encircling their starting place. “At the same time,” she continued, “the second couple will mirror the same movement until, after moving around each other twice, the leading couple would have taken the place of the second couple, thus becoming the central one and finishing the _poussette_ figure. Everything clear so far?”

At that, Lavellan could not help leaning in and gently kiss the bard’s cheek. “Of course, spymaster, you make everything seem easy.”

“Oh? Then I think there’s no harm in continuing on with my lesson?”

“Having you as my partner makes this seem less as work and more as a welcomed distraction,” the elf winked.

“Oh no, it is still work,” the bard giggled. “I will get to the distracting part later.”

Ve’lain simply started laughing and shaking her head, hoping to get to what the other woman was promising sooner rather than later.

“After taking the central position,” the bard continued with her lesson, ”you start waltzing to your right around the bottom couple and continuing to your left in a straight line around the top couple, before returning to the central position and finishing the figure. This is the most basic _en passant_ figure. You will be expected to string together several long progressive figures, and I will show you over the course of our sessions how to do that in order to impress the Imperial court.” 

 

* * *

 

The bard continued her lesson, allowing Lavellan to both practice what they already covered and also delve into different other figures. By the time they finished, it was already late evening and they had to take a break before that in order to light up the fireplace and the braziers on the side.

“I think this concludes a successful session,” Leliana said as she stopped the music box from playing. “You are quite a fast learner.”

“I just have a good teacher,” the elf whispered in the bard’s ear as she slowly approached from behind, wrapping her arms around the rogue’s middle, before doing what she ached for the past couple of hours and gently kiss the other woman’s pulse point. Leliana relaxed in the mage’s strong hands, closing her eyes and tilting her head upwards and to the side in order to offer her lover better access.

“Mmmh,” the bard let out a soft moan. “It has been a while since I last danced, let alone teach someone.”

Lavellan smiled at that and stopped what she was doing, a new idea forming in her head. She turned the bard around, deftly opening the music box that laid on the table and started the song without even looking. “Then dance with me. No lessons, no preparations for the Grande Ball, nothing for the Inquisition. Just you and me, outside of our titles, sharing in on this perfect moment. It would be a waste of a perfectly good dress not to do so, if you ask me,” she smirked.

“It is a lovely dress,” Leliana said as she started backing the elf to the middle of the room, not paying any attention to her own words.

They came together effortlessly with moves that complemented each other. For a very long time, Leliana did not allow herself to indulge in on such moments, not since her heart was captured by her dearly departed lover during the strange times of the Blight. It seemed to her that the looming threat of the world plunging into chaos managed to lead her to finding love in the most surprising of ways. Just being there with Lavellan, swaying to the music, watching her beautiful smile and the affection in her eyes brought back something inside her that she never thought she would be able to recover.

Leliana took many lovers in the past and has even fallen in love a couple of times, but now it seemed different. She could not tell exactly how, maybe it was due to the fact that ten years before she closed and hardened her heart in order to be able to move forward and do what was required of her, burying her own self deep underneath the persona she had to take on. But in moments like those when she was certain that if she would ask Ve’lain would lay down her heart at her feet, when she saw the devotion in the mage’s eyes, when she was met with the same kind of love that she has tried to offer her entire life, Leliana felt like a person again.

So, she let go. She let go of all the weights that were attached to her feet and lost herself in the elf’s company, laughing, dancing and stealing glances at her lover. As the song was coming to an end, she led the other woman closer to the bed and in the moment the room was basked into silence she dipped the mage down onto the soft Orlesian mattress. Ve’lain’s mouth was slightly open, both of their chests were heaving, and their gazes were locked on one another.

Leliana opened her mouth to speak, tried a couple of times, but nothing that she came up with could ever do her feelings justice. Instead of trying one more time she lifted her hand and brushed Ve’lain’s cheek with her fingers which then tangled in her hair and leaned in for a passionate kiss which conveyed more than her words ever could. Their kiss was slow at first, none of them seeing any reason to rush, and they took their time to learn each other and the ways their bodies connected. The bard’s skin was hot and incredibly soft underneath the elf’s hands which started exploring. Every now and then they stopped and simply stared at each other, no words spoken, no sounds made between the two of them, just idle caresses and soul-searching looks.

The next time Leliana kissed her lover though, it was pure fire and passion, and it was like neither of them could get enough. When they pulled back, Ve’lain was left breathless and in awe. “Damn… With a tongue so mean you will be the death of me.”

The corners of the bard’s mouth lifted up into a slow smile at seeing Lavellan’s wonderment. With a knowing smirk and a subtle bite of her lip, Leliana captured her lover’s attention. “That is the goal, _mon coeur_ … _La petite mort._ ”

As the bard captured Ve’lain’s lips once more, her hand moved to the candle next to them on the nightstand and with practiced fingers she put it out.


	5. Ripples and Reflections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> So, before I actually started writing this chapter the only idea I had about it was that the couple will go to Halamshiral and that Leliana would watch Lavellan dance with Florianne and then meet on the balcony at the end of the night. So yeah, not much to go by, probably less than any of the previous chapters. I guess that is because what I really wanted to do is to get to the events which will unfold in the next chapters and what I have planned for that.
> 
> A few days ago when I started writing I had no idea how to begin but as I wrote the first sentence I realised that I wanted to do this from Leli's perspective. Which means that this is mostly Leli, with a short interaction with Lavellan at the end. Allowing myself to think of what would Leliana do back in the Orlesian society in all those hours the Inquisitor roams around the palace lead to something I never expected, but I kinda liked. I hope you do to...
> 
> It also allowed me to talk more about Leliana's past and about her journey to rediscover herself. On that note, when it comes to that part in the story (which ended up giving the title of the chapter) you will see probably one of my favourite things ever said in any DA book/game/article, which is something Leliana says about her past in her character description from World of Thedas volume 2. I absolutely love that paragraph and it describes her life perfectly.
> 
> Anyway, enough of my rambles... Enjoy and if you'd like, maybe leave a comment below.
> 
> Annien

Chapter V – Ripples and Reflections

 

 

Leliana did not expect to be back at the winter palace, at least not officially. She thought that after taking the job of serving as the Left Hand of the Divine she would only be able to observe these events from shadows. But to be back between the Orlesian nobility, and especially to the place where she had made her debut by Marjolaine’s side so many years ago, brought back memories; memories of another life.

After the herald of arms introduced the Inquisitor and her entourage, all eyes were on them. There were hushed whispers at the sight of a Dalish Inquisitor accompanied by another elf and a mage from Tevinter. The return of Josephine and Cassandra to the Orlesian nobility circle was well received, as much as that displeased the Seeker, and both men and women alike were gushing over the commander of the Inquisition who managed to gather an audience quite fast. As for the return of the Nightingale of the Imperial Court, that caused almost as much fuss as the presence of two elves and a _vint_ , although in a much different way.

Years ago, before the Fifth Blight hit Ferelden, along with Leliana’s disappearance the rumours about the absence of the Nightingale from the court started, much to Marjolaine’s surprise and discontent. What the now departed bardmaster failed to realise at the time was how attached the nobility became to the redhead’s songs and court presence. It was those rumours and the shadow they cast upon Marjolaine that drove the bardmaster to track down Leliana during the Blight and try to finish what she started, making sure that the redhead would never set foot in Orlais ever again. Thirteen years after it all started Leliana walked the halls of the palace as the perfect reflection of her former lover.

Even though she had a mission to carry out, the bard could not stop herself from falling back into old habits, not when that life called to her like the sweetest of songs. With the way she held herself, the gracious moves of her body, Leliana commanded the room from the moment she walked in. Just like any good bard and spymaster she knew everyone and because of her exquisite beauty and charm all the nobles were drawn to her.

Seeing it for what it was, both a game and an opportunity to gather secrets and influence for the Inquisition, the Nightingale started her song. It was easy to read people at a glance, listen closely, flatter them, entertain them and find their weaknesses. Her efforts soon draw the attention of a player worthy of the redhead’s calibre, Duchess Yvette de Montfort, niece of Duke Prosper and second cousin to Empress Celene herself.

As soon as the duchess approached, every other person that gathered around the bard took their leave. Soon enough Leliana was left alone with the image of a young Empress Celene in a floor-length dress with long, breezy sleeves. The dreamy pattern of gold and blue clouds, the colours of House de Montfort, and the soft features of her face underneath her house’s mask captured Leliana’s eye. When the green pools underneath the mask met hers, the bard could not look away.

“I never thought that I would have the pleasure of ever meeting the beautiful Nightingale, but it seems that fortune has favoured me on such a grand occasion,” the young woman said in a soft tone and thick Orlesian accent as she came to a stop in front of the redhead, a glass of white wine in her hand.

Leliana greeted the younger woman with a formal courtesy before finding her voice. “The honour is all mine, your Grace. I have to admit that I did not think that I would find myself in your exquisite presence tonight. To what do I owe the pleasure, your Grace?”

The bard’s keen eyes did not miss the small curl of the duchess’ lips.

“The entire court is talking about the Hero of the Fifth Blight and I could hardly miss the chance to meet her, now could I? Care to join me for a drink?” The duchess asked while pointing to the empty open balcony behind them.

“How could I say no to such a lovely offer, your Grace?” Leliana offered with a smile.

“There is no need to stand on such formality,” the duchess rested her hand on Leliana’s back as they started moving towards the balcony side by side. “You can call me Yvette.”

“If you insist, _Yvette_ ,” the redhead emphasised the familiar means of addressal.

“I do,” the younger woman winked towards the bard and the leaned with her back against the railing, her eyes on the nobility back inside. “Now tell me, how does it feel to be back?”

Leliana watched the other woman’s expression for a moment before mimicking her stance and studying the people inside. “If I am being completely honest with you, I guess it feels a little bit strange. The strangeness lies in the familiarity of it. It has been a little over thirteen years since I last attended one of the events hosted by your cousin, but I see that the Marquis of Montsimmard still thinks that he can hide his affair from his wife, not even suspecting that she had known for years and that she took a mistress of her own.”

Leliana saw from the corner of her eye the luscious golden locks of the duchess disappearing as the other woman turned to her again, this time almost like seeing her through a different lens.

“I have to admit that I am impressed, Nightingale. It is common knowledge that the Marquis has a mistress, but Cosinne has been extremely careful to keep hers a secret. I do not think that anyone outside the royal family even knows,” the duchess paused for a moment before speaking in a lower tone. “But then again, they were not trained by Marjolaine. If your former lover would have lived up to this day, she would have been the new Lady Mantillon, seeing how she managed to charm Etienne before meeting an unfortunate end in Ferelden.”

The news of Marjolaine almost securing a marriage to the son of the greatest bardmaster and former lover of Emperor Florian surprised Leliana, although she recovered fast.

“She would have done the Mantillon’s name justice with her skill,” the redhead stated nonchalantly.

“And what does that say about you, then?”

“I beg your pardon, your Grace?”

“Oh, don’t play coy with me,” the younger woman gracefully moved in front of the bard, fingers trailing up Leliana’s arm, her eyes locked onto the redhead’s now slightly parted lips. “You are much smarter, more charming, more beautiful and skilled than your former lover ever was. And that is why you are now here in my arms, making me wonder if I will get to make you sing tonight, _Nightingale_.” The duchess emphasised the moniker, her warm breath rolling over Leliana’s lips.

It took an effort of will for the redhead to maintain her normal breathing and not let her body betray her. She had to admit that being cornered and propositioned by such a strong and beautiful woman was enticing. Even though her status did not even come close to the one held by the empress’ cousin, in that moment Leliana held all the power, and her next words would determine what she chose to do with it. Being back into the game of seduction where her partners would swoon over her without the tiniest of effort on her part was addictive, but its high never hit the heights Ve’lain’s most chaste kiss took her to.

Letting her smirk fully show on her unmasked face, Leliana closed the distance between her and the duchess, their cheeks almost brushing while whispering in the blonde’s ear. “Unfortunately, winter is not the best season to hear the song of a nightingale, so I am afraid that unless you happen to have one in your private collection you are out of luck, Yvette.”

If the duchess was disappointed as she took a couple of steps back, her smile did not show it. “It seems my dearest cousin was right; you are one of the most talented players the Game has ever seen, Nightingale. I want to thank you for your company. Meeting you was most assuredly the highlight of my evening, and that says a lot considering what the parties involved in the negotiations are most probably scheming back inside. Shall we go and see what my cousins are up to now?”

“After you, your Grace,” Leliana offered but did not attempt to move, being content with staying behind and watching the younger woman re-enter the palace.

Before she re-joined the festivities though, the duchess looked behind at the redhead. “I eagerly await the Nightingale’s return at the Spring Ball.”

After a slight incline of the blonde’s head in order to silently acknowledge Leliana’s victory, the duchess was gone. Leliana still felt the thrill of the Game flowing through her veins and hated herself for it. After releasing a long breath, the redhead knew what she had to do; she had to find Josephine.

 

***

 

Leliana found Josephine in the ballroom talking with a group of diplomats. Not wanting to intrude, the bard stopped in front of a serving boy and helped herself to another glass of wine. When she saw the Antivan excusing herself and heading towards her, she finished the wine and took another one before the serving boy could leave.

Josephine did not miss what happened and when she spoke, her tone showed her concern. “Leliana, is everything alright?”

“No, not really.”

The bard lifted the glass of wine to her lips but before she could drink Josephine swiftly swiped it from her and took a sip. “I think you might have had enough for now, Leli. What happened?”

“Well, I almost slept with Yvette,” the redhead blurted out.

With a gasp and a look of shock, Josephine looked to her sister who was laughing on the other side of the ballroom with a few of her friends. When the bard realised where her friend was looking, she quickly added.

“Maker no, not your sister! I almost slept with Yvette de Montfort.”

“The Empress’ cousin? What did you do, Leli? What about Inquisitor Lavellan?”

“Nothing happened,” the redhead sighed. “You know I would never cheat on Ve’lain, even though we did not talk about what we are or about being exclusive. The duchess approached me and propositioned me to spend the night with her. I politely refused, of course. The problem was, Josie, that I got so absorbed into the Game that I allowed things to get to that point.”

“Leli, breathe,” the Antivan laid her hand over the redhead’s fumbling ones and offered her a much-needed reassuring smile. “The important thing is that you stopped it before things could get further. You cannot stop people from flirting with you, as I am sure that Ve’lain has had both men and women courting her tonight. It is just the Game.”

“You are not helping,” Leliana feigned a frown after hearing her friend’s encouraging words. And if she had to admit, what Josephine said made sense. Even so, there was still one issue. “You are right, Josie. The thing is that we are both well aware of this, but for Ve’lain this is all new. I need to speak with her after she returns from searching the apartments and the servant’s quarters.”

“Leli…,” Josephine pleaded.

“No, Josie, I have to do this for myself too. I did not like who I was back there, so blinded by the power of the Game that I considered taking the duchess’ offer.”

“Well, I do not think that anyone could have blamed you,” the ambassador said as she spotted the woman in question on the ballroom floor. “She is very charming.”

“I could introduce the two of you if you would like,” the spymaster quipped.

“Leli! That would be… That would be most improper.”

“Your words say one thing but the glow in your eyes says something else. Come on, Josie, the song ended and I am sure the duchess would love to share a drink with the former Antivan ambassador to the Imperial Court and catch up.”

Before Josephine could answer, Leliana took her hand and started walking towards the blonde.

“Leliana, I will kill you… first chance I get,” she muttered the last part through an open smile.

“Yes, of course, you can thank me after you get laid,” the redhead winked and then turned towards the duchess. “Your Grace, I would like you to meet my dearest friend, Lady Josephine Cherette Montilyet…”

Despite Josephine’s earlier protests the two women hit it off instantly, connecting over their shared past attending the University of Orlais and the duchess’ appreciation and love of Antiva. The blonde even asked Josephine to dance and the bard was watching the two of them when she saw Ve’lain return to the ballroom. Leliana started walking towards her lover to find out what she uncovered, but duchess Florianne beat her to it. Curious of the noble woman’s intentions Leliana sneaked behind them, but the duchess took them to the ballroom floor before she could have her answers.

It was the oldest trick in the book if you wanted to have both the privacy of a conversation and to try to assert your dominance while playing the Game. Luckily for Ve’lain, Leliana trained her specifically for a moment like that one. Having faith in her lover’s abilities to handle herself, the bard was content to watch the two women dance and the conversation they were having.

Witnessing how Ve’lain managed to not only hold her own, but to also masterfully play the more experienced woman made Leliana proud. Seeing her lover borrow her move and dip the noble woman as the dance ended made the bard take a mental note to find a suitable reward for the Inquisitor later, after their official Inquisition business was handled.

 

***

 

The bard did not have to wait too long until the Inquisitor unmasked both Grand Duke Gaspard and his sister for conspiring against the throne and managed to reunite the empress with her former lover, now Marquise Briala of the Dales. Looking for her lover as the festivities were drawing to an end, Leliana found her finishing up talking with Morrigan on a secluded balcony.

Leliana approached the elf and laid a hand on her back, taking a moment to enjoy being alone and away from all the fuss for the first time that night. “Is everything alright, my love?”

“I am just worn out. It has been a very long and eventful night,” the mage smiled.

“It was indeed. I saw your dance with Duchess Florianne and I was impressed how well you were able to turn her own words against her.”

“Wait, how do you know about what we talked?” The mage gave her lover a confused look.

“I picked up a few tricks in a previous life, one of them being the ability to read lips.”

“That is both remarkable and it is kind of turning me on.”

“Oh? I thought you said you were tired. Can I get you anything?” The bard smirked.

“No, I am okay… for now. How was your night?”

“Actually, that is one of the things I wanted to talk to you about,” the bard shied away, but before she could pull back Ve’lain sensed that something was not right and pulled the bard back in, offering a soft smile, her hands laying on the redhead’s hips.

“I told you about Marjolaine,” she continued, “how we met and that she trained me to become a bard. We were also lovers, on and off for a few years, that until two years before the Blight when, while on a mission in Denerim, she set me up to take the blame for selling state secrets, literally stabbed me in the back and handed me over to Commander Raleigh on the grounds of treason. His methods of punishment were… cruel, to say the least, and the only reason I am alive today is because Dorothea saved me from that prison and took me in.”

Leliana felt sorrow while thinking of her dearly departed friend.

“After I recovered, I found both Raleigh and Marjolaine and I got my revenge on that bastard.”

The bard’s eyes became hollow as her mind drifted someplace else, and Ve’lain tried to offer her support by squeezing her hand. After a moment of looking at all the love in the elf’s eyes, the redhead was able to continue.

“When I confronted her, she said that she betrayed me because it would have been only a matter a time until I would have done it. So, she did it first. It was in that moment that I felt my heart breaking inside my chest because I realised that I never knew her, and she never knew me. I was completely in love with her, there was no way that I could have done any of that. And what she told me next… All these years I thought that she was afraid and paranoid of what I would do next, and that she only tried to save her skin – not being able to see that I would not hurt her despite everything she had done to me. Her last words to me were that _‘we are the same’_.”

“You are not the same, Leliana,” the mage said in the most gentle and genuine tone, and Leliana wanted nothing more than to believe that.

“I wish that would be the case, but I am afraid that tonight proved otherwise. The two years I have spent in the Chantry in Lothering were the most peaceful I can remember, but my old life followed me. First when Marjolaine sent assassins after me and I had to end that threat, and then when Justinia called upon the skills I learned over two decades and asked me to be her Left Hand. Ve’lain…” Leliana started in a pleading voice, somehow managing to keep her tears at bay. “There is something you need to know before we go any further with this.”

Looking at her lover the bard saw Ve’lain’s urge to reassure her, but the mage also understood how important it was for the redhead to continue, so she allowed her to do so.

“Earlier tonight Duchess Yvette de Montfort and I had a conversation, and she invited me to spend the night with her. I refused,” Leliana continued after an involuntary sigh, “but I almost got lost in the Game. The power that I had was addictive and I did not even realise that I was flirting with the duchess. I am exactly what Marjolaine wanted me to be. I am… I am her.”

Leliana watched for Ve’lain’s reaction at the news. She did not know how the Inquisitor was going to react to all of that and it terrified her more that she would have liked to admit. For the first time in what seemed like a lifetime she had something good, something to look forward to despite the state the world was in. Just thinking that she now might lose that made her heart ache.

“Hey,” the elf touched the bard’s chin and lifted it up so their eyes would meet. “I cannot blame anyone for wanting to seek your attention, and,” she gestured around, “at the end of the day you are here with me, not with anyone else. As for the other thing, reacting to being flattered and wanted by someone just makes you human, Leliana. It does not make you like her.”

“It is more than just that. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of her smile, the dismissive wave of her hand, and I turn and see it is only movement in a mirror. I hear her words, and they are mine. She is the shadow that hounds my steps, because she is my shadow. My mother loved me, Cecilie nurtured me, and Dorothea saved me, but Marjolaine made me in her image.” When the bard opened her eyes next, they were filled with unshed tears. “We are separated by years and death, but her hold on me is unrelenting.”

“No, Leli…” Ve’lain stepped in and took Leliana in her arms, not bearing to see her in so much pain.

The bard held onto Lavellan with everything she had, afraid that if she would let go, she would lose herself even more. Her legs were shaking and her tears were seeping into her lover’s shirt, but she did not let go and Ve’lain did not seem to mind. Instead, the mage caressed her hair and whispered soothing words next to her ear, letting her know that she was not going anywhere. After the bard pulled back and looked at her lover, what she saw in those eyes was nothing but love and adoration.

“It has been only a few months since I first saw you for the first time in Haven, but _I know you_ , Leliana. You are so much more than what Marjolaine taught you, and while she had a major impact on your life, you are not defined by her or by your relationship. You are kind, you care about people, you work every day to try and make the world a better and more inclusive place for everyone. You believed in me when most people only saw me as a "rabbit-ear”. You believed that I could be sent by Andraste when others looked down on me for who I am. You never thought less of me, nor did you treat me differently. Do you really think Marjolaine would have done that? Do you think she would have been able to love someone the way you do, from the bottom of your heart and with everything you have?”

Hearing her lover’s words almost brought the redhead back into tears, happy tears this time. Having someone who believed in her like that allowed Leliana to let go of that knife in the back and of Marjolaine’s words. “No, I do not think she would.”

“ _Ma vhenan,_ you are a good person and you make me be a better person each day. You make me strive to be someone worthy of you and your love and I do not want one day to go by without showing you how much I care about you. _Ar lath ma, vhenan._ I love you more than words can say.”

“ _Je t’aime aussi, mon coeur._ ”

With a smile on each of their faces the two lovers drifted back to each other, their lips meeting into a passionate kiss, letting their feelings seep through. They took the time to both explore and re-learn each other, sharing soft caresses and gentle touches.

When they pulled back, Ve’lain had the biggest grin on her face. “Now that we got that out, what do you say of sharing a dance with me before we can retreat for the night to the luxurious room the empress offered me?”

“I say that sound perfect,” the redhead stole another kiss before allowing her lover to take the lead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “We are separated by years and death, but her hold on me is unrelenting,” Leliana says. “Sometimes I catch a glimpse of her smile, the dismissive wave of her hand, and I turn and see it is only movement in a mirror. I hear her words, and they are mine. She is the shadow that hounds my steps, because she is my shadow. My mother loved me, Cecilie nurtured me, and Dorothea saved me, but Marjolaine made me in her image.”
> 
> Leliana - World Of Thedas, volume 2
> 
> Yep, so that's the part which I got from the book. It's the best part of the story, and I wanted everyone to know that it wasn't me writing it.


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